Don't Trust Babies!

I gotta admit. The e-trade baby ads are funny and adorable. There is something about babies doing grown-up stuff like talking and singing that can melt even the coldest hearts.

But this newest ad made me remember--DO NOT TRUST BABIES, or kids in general for that matter. In the new e-trade ad, the baby is encouraging you to invest in stocks as a solution to the bad economy. Yeah right, I lost my job and can't seem to find a new one, so what should I do? Spend my savings on a collapsing stock market! That's right Americans, do not save, do not pay down credit card debt -- invest in stocks!

I guess if you are filthy rich this might be the right time to invest, assuming we ever come out of this whole. But for most of us, be warned about listening to babies.

In fact, almost anytime a kid is used to promote a cause, you can bet something sketchy is taking place.

Let's ban books -- for the kids!
Make our schools more like prisons -- for the kids!
Institute city-wide curfews -- for the kids!
Go to war, roll back freedoms -- for the kids!

Apparently, even Wikipedia recognizes this argument is a logical fallacy.

Hitler proves that as soon as someone pulls out the "for the kids" argument, next thing you know there is a holocaust. Hitler said, "The state must declare the child to be the most precious treasure of the people. As long as the government is perceived as working for the benefit of the children, the people will happily endure almost any curtailment of liberty and almost any deprivation."

I'm on to you kids... and parents, no I don't want to see pictures or hear stories about your kids. Yes, yes... raising a child is the most beautiful love in the world, children are our future, blah blah.

What about the snot, and the poop, and the overpopulation, and the environmental catastrophe a Western child means? I heard that Obama's election is causing another baby boom -- just what we need when we are reaching resource and growth limits the world over. Please stop people.

How 'bout a temporary ban on baby-making?

Absurd? Horrific? What if we do it... for the kids? I mean, that e-trade baby will need a job and a healthy environment when he grows out of his cute phase and his stocks go bust.